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To Be Met By Jobs and Gates
By Grey Entertainment
from the latest Apocalyptic Epic: Easter Bunny Armageddon.
The end of the world is on and the Steve Jobs/Bill Gates Armageddon busting
duo is leaping into action.
Harold Camping, president of the Christian Ministry Family Radio and apparent
biblical scholar has announced that this Saturday, May 21 2011 is the date
of the Rapture, when God will take all good Christians up into heaven and
leave the rest of humanity to wallow in a broken, burning, probably bad smelling
While Camping and his supporters, and more than a few who see themselves as
worthy of being Raptured up by God, are confident that this will happen, to
the point of putting up billboards to advise conversion to the correct faith,
there is no small amount of scepticism.
Much of the doubt surrounds Camping himself, as this is the second time he
has predicted the Rapture, last time claiming it to be September 1994.
Taking his apparent continued presence on Earth as a lack of Rapture Camping
claimed more study was required, eventually hitting upon this weekend as the
date God activates his cosmic vacuum cleaner to claim all the good bits of
Further doubt is cast because the precise biblical verse (not printed here
for fear of tempting something) refers to the date of the Rapture being unknown
to any man.
Throw in the lack of Papal approval for this Rapture and it begins to look
like a bit of a non-event.
One thing is sure though, if there is a Rapture then Steve Jobs and Bill Gates
are not going on the ride.
Well aware of this Jobs shifted more resources to his Rapture Prevention division
last month, proving that if nothing else Steve Jobs and Bill Gates are taking
their paranoia to the max.
Despite Camping getting it wrong almost two decades earlier Steve Jobs refuses
to take chances. That being said the Rapture Prevention division is notably
less well provided for than say the Comet or Zombie divisions. For one thing
their donuts tend to be plain or sprinkled only, no fillings or bear claws,
while the Bird Flu section of the Plague division is allowed full pudding
privileges, with second helping options.
Bill Gates, for once practical and useful, has put his energies into post-Rapture
What the world will be like after the Rapture is not entirely clear, though
fire, lava and earthquakes feature prominently, hence Gates is working on
expanding the International Space Station, and expanding the super secret
fleet of helicarriers to create cities and habitats that avoid the treacherous
Gates has also suggested that he and Jobs may be allowed to join the Rapture
if they give God a special iPad 3 Deluxe Ivory.
Steve Jobs has gone on record as saying that God will have to do more than
let the two of them into Heaven to get one of those, possibly starting by
getting rid of all the smokers.
: Easter Bunny Apocalypse.
1031 B.C. - 2010 A.D., Really Pathetic, LLC.